you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
