i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize