here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
