I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
