Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
