they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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