She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
