i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
