Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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