My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
