So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize