i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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