She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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