i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
