Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
