i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
