I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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