What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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