I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
