That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
