maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
