mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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