I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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