omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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