bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
so much tequila, so little girl.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize