did you get engaged???
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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