Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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