I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
