I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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