So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
