i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Your cock deserves a montage
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
