i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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