hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
