My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
