In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
