I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
