i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
