At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
