i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
