This is not my ceiling
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
