i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
