Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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