Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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