Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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