...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
