Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
