Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i came on her dog
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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