ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
