dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she peed on how many people?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
