so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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