I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
