Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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