hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize