I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
