she was so not down for the gang bang
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
