he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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