Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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