Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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