Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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