I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
