she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
