my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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