i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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