I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
