If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I touched a dick in church today
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
