last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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