Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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