i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
