girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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