420 ftw
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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