I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
