wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
3 2 1 whiskey
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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