Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
