Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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