So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
