very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
