He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize